Virtual Plumbing Certification And Accreditation (1001)

Realizing the high cost of certified plumbers, real-life experiences negate the possibility of always relying on such plumbers for minor household water inconveniences. So, in response to those circumstances and the demand by the millions who need it, I have gleaned a few pointers from the course, condensing them to perusable lengths, and introduce them here. These techniques are guaranteed to work and keep you in water, even when the river goes out and wipes out the rural water system.

1) Checking for Water Pressure

Every 5 years, when using a deep-well system, the neophyte plumber should check the water pressure. This is easily done. Simply turning on a water faucet and running your hand under it is not an adequate way to check the pressure. The proper procedure is as follows:

A) Turn off the electricity to the well system.

B) Randomly turn on faucets around the inside of the house and the exterior of the house to exit all excess water and pressure in the system.

C) Put containers under the sink to catch water, in case the pump does not have adequate pressure to sustain a shower or drink later on.

D) Time the amount of time that it takes the pressure to decrease to not even a trickle.

E) When water is through running, go around and try to remember which faucets you randomly turned on and turn them back off.

F) Have one plumber's helper go out to turn the water back on, with the other plumber's helper at the door waving a red flag when the water is turned back on.

G) Position yourself over the up-spraying faucet, which was thought to be turned off.

H) Test the height of the spewing water in your face by trying to turn the faucet off, while yelling at the number 2 plumber's helper standing at the door to have the number 1 helper to turn the water off.

I) Relay the message that containers and towels are needed immediately in the bathroom. Spend the next half hour cleaning up the mess.

J) Double check and make sure the offending faucet is totally closed.

K) Turn on water and reevaluate system again.

L) Wait until all dry wall is dry before proceeding to finishing the dry wall and the bathroom.

Simple test of drain responsiveness for an electric washer.

Once every 5 years, the drain on the clothes washer should be checked for responsiveness. This is easily done and is essential after turning the water off to your main ground water source. Such turn-offs, causes the system to be filled with irregular pieces of unidentified substances which clog up washer filters. The proper way to check the drain for responsiveness is as followers:

1) Turn off the water to the well.

2) Do the above pressure-testing procedure.

3) Attempt to wash all of the towels used for mopping up 2 inches of water in the bathroom.

4) Yell out the following "Dale( replace your name here), there is no cold water! Get in here and help me clean out the filter."

5) Move out the washer and then unscrew the "cold water" faucet rubber hose.

6) Get new towels to soak up the excess water that comes out of the hose.

7) Clean out the filter or put in a new filter.

8) Tighten up hose leading in, which was unscrewed

9) Move the washer back and continue washing the towels, WITHOUT any concern that there might have been a screw-up on the water evacuation process.

10) After 20 minutes go back and check on the washer yelling, "Dale (X?), get in here; there is two inches of water on the floor in the utility room, bathroom, and into the bedroom.

11) Without thinking tell the 3rd plumber's helper to turn off the water at the pump.

12) Turn off the cold water to the faucet and then yell at the 3rd plumber's assistant, "Do Not turn the water off at the pump, or we will go through the same steps above."

13) For 30 minutes, minimum, check out all washer systems as go with at least three proper evacuation procedures, BEFORE you leave the washer by itself.

The third, neophyte plumber procedure is entitled, rightly so, CHANGING PLANS IN THE MIDDLE OF A FLOOD. Get most of the dry wall up and correct any disaster type leakage, eg. leaks that go to more than 3 feet in the air, by putting in a new faucet. Then check the system for small drip-type leaks by examining closely the area around the faucets on the dry wall. If there are leaks, then the neophyte plumber must realize that new fittings are needed, thus requiring yet another plumbing-supply hunt in town.

1) Determine the severity of the leak by testing the sop factor.

2) Send forces into get replacement parts for all non-faucets and adapters.

3) Pull all dry wall off, again, carefully so as not to ruin the already measured and fitted sections.

4) Turn off electricity at the pump, realizing that you will have to follow all of the above procedures again.

5) Remove the toilet on which you have already replaced the Seal with a new one. Once pulled, though, the old seal which is really new, must be replaced by a newer seal.

6) With much prayer, replace old faucet parts with new faucet parts, including a new faucet fixture for the tub/shower combination, because the old one has a small leak.

7) After all plumbing has been replaced, follow above procedures to test for pressure and the evacuation cycle of the washer.

Replacing the O-ring, better known as the seal, on a toilet.

Once a toilet or stool is lifted away from its PLACE, then a new o-ring seal must be used to replace the old one. The process is simple, but for those other neophytes who need help, I have included a few pointers.

1) Have on hand rubber gloves that go up to your elbow.

2) Have on hand a gas mask.

3) Place buckets along the path to the front porch where the deposited stool will rest.

4) Turn off faucet leading into the back of the stool - the closet.

5) Take off the water faucet hosing. If face and glasses get wet, turn the turn-nob on faucet the right way to turn it off. If the face and glasses get even wetter, turn the faucet the other way.

6) Once the water stops leaking, go ahead and losen the hose from the stool.

7) Three people are needed for this operation. Two will be lifting up the stool while one holds the door open and operates the well-placed buckets.

8) Say loudly, "One, Two, Three, Go for it!" The two will lift the toilet and head for the door.

9) If any regurgitation from the movers is heard, the bucket person must quickly place the bucket and catch the regurgitation.

10) Quickly lead the toilet holders out to the front porch.

11) Turn stool over, with gas mask on and take off the old 0-ring and clean area soundly. Use buckets as needed.

12) Replace the O-ring with new. Use buckets as needed.

13) Finish what must be done in the bathroom before replacing stool. O-rings only cost $1.50 to replace, but they are essential for proper working of the toilet. Bad 0-rings can take down NSA and shuttles.

14) Use the above plans to replace and reposition the stool in the bathrom, only the bucket holder must lay on floor to make sure of proper position of 0-ring on the outage hole. USE BUCKET AS NEEDED.

Final neophyte in-house plumber procedure. Make plans to look for tools which you have lost for the past 5 years because you have not needed them until then. A systematic approach with the house at first and then the garage second is best. Put fans in all indoor wet areas to dry them up. Before entering those areas, throw the cat in to see if its hair shoots up to test for electrical shorts that may be fatal. Make plans to finish dry walling and replacing the new stool seal with a newer one only when dry wall has thoroughly dried.

Oasitic testing of underground piping system, or When Gophers Do Your Pipes in.

This operation may occur once in five years, but more likely, with an underground submersion pump system, it will be a yearly occurrence.

1) Ever 3 months walk over the area of your property, with special concern over the area from the pump to the yard faucet.

2) Check for unusual green growth, ie. oasis in a desert area, thus OASITIC TESTING.

3) Follow the rule that states: Vegetation grows best where there is ample water.

4) If normal green growth is found, recheck the area in 3 months.

5) If excess green growth appears, immediate concern is needed.

6) Step on green growth. If the weight of your foot plummets your leg further than three foot, this indicates a severe underground leak caused by gophers digging for worms.

7) If foot only plunges to 1 foot, repair is optional, if you have surrounding planted garden growth that needs watering.

8) Assuming number 6, discuss with the family as to who will be the digger and who will be the repairer.

9) If back problems exist, those who have back problems will be relegated to the fixer.

10) Area must be dug up to find the offending line. Make sure all dirt from hole is accounted for, since once the leak is fixed, the hole plus the dirt must equal to surrounding area. (D+H=S) where S is equal to surrounding topology.

11) Ground must be dug out around the leaking pipe to such an extent that the fixer can get under the pipe.

12) Turn off electricity to pump.

13) Purchase, before the above procedures and have on hand, one pipe splicing piece, one knife, two hose clamps, screw driver, small caliber weapon, and dirty clothes.

14) Tie rope around waist and extend it out of the wet spot.

15) Fixer must lay down in soggy ground on stomach and cut the pipe off at the leak point.

16) If fixer begins to sink down into the ground to the point the mud covers the back of the old shirt, have rescuers pull violently on rope until fixer is out of mud.

17) Dip out all excess water. If possible, get the helpers wet, otherwise they will get out of this mud free.

18) If any rodents of the nocturnal type, are spotted in the water, use small calibre handgun to take them out of gene pool.

17) Determine the exact point where water is coming out. Even with water off, some pressure remains, enough so to determine the hole in the pipe

19) Cut pipe at determined leakage.

20) Close both clamps down to the point that both will bearly fit around pipe.

21) Install both clamps to both section of pipe but do not tighten.

22) Have helpers pull on rope, and take a break by cleaning your glasses which have fallen into the muck and mud.

23) Send one helper to get fresh water to drink. Do not drink muddy water in hole.

24) Install splicer unit and tighten the clamps so tight that the clamps will not screw any tighter.

25) While head is in the hole, have helper 3 turn on the water.

26) Check for leaks. If face and glasses are suddenly wet, then procedure must be reiterated from 20 on down.

27) If only small leaks occur, such that face or glasses do not get wet, leave the hole for at least a week, checking daily to see if huge leaks are found or, which is most likely, even the small drips stop dripping because of sediment that collects and stops the leak..

28) After piled up dirt hardens to the point that it cannot be successfully and fully entered back into the hole, it is time to cover the hole up with said dirt.

Submersible Pump Trouble Shooting 1001

While taking a shower, washing clothes, or getting a drink, if the water momentarily stops and then starts up again, this is a direct omen from Satan, that the pump will most assuredly fail. Procedures which ignore such trouble shooting will pay for it on a Sunday morning or one hour before it is time to go to work. Pray hard that this omen only occurs in three seasons, summer, fall and Spring. Winter is an unbelievable nightmare. Experienced submersible experts all agree that the said pump should be attended to immediately.

1) Change all clothes to dirtiable clothes.

2) Call in sick to work, if need be.

3) Have at least one plumber's helper

4) Remove top of the water pump housing. If a bad back is present, do not attempt this without help.

5) Turn off electricity to pump

6) Check for dead rodents on the points. If there remove, and then turn electricity on. Kill all black widows before exiting pump house. If no dead rodent is found, proceed to the following steps.

6) Do variations of Pressure Testing to rid the system of pressure and water.

7) Physically climb into well house.

8) Remove pump from pipes

9) Remove wires from pump points.

10) Slowly pull the top of the pump pipe out of the ground and hand it to helper.

11) Have helper pull the pump out by walking across the garden.

12) Make sure the person in the house helps relieve weight of pump by helping pull up the pipes leading to submersible pump.

13) Once pump and housing are on the ground, check for frayed electrical wires that is caused by the rubbing of the wires to the casing.

14) Repair electrical line

15) Cut length of water house and then slice the hose from one end to the other.

16) Use hose to insulate exposed wire and then tape that hose to the side of the shaft.

17) Drop the pump back into the well slowly.

18) Reestablish electrical contacts and hoses to the established pump.

19) Turn on the electricity to determine if pump is working. Pray before you do this step. Seriously pray.

20) If pump does not start, DO NOT pull the submersible pump before for pressing the reset button underneath the points.

20) If pump still does not work, pull pump again and recheck splicing of electrical wires or for frayed parts.

21) If pump still refuses to start, then ask GOD why this happened to you, with your check book in hand.

22) Call pump guy to replace pump or spend 350 dollars for a new pump and replace it your self using the above procedure.

23) Go get a drink out of a running faucet if pump works. Be sure to thank God for flowing water and submersible pumps during prayers before you go to bed.

Changing out a Shower /Tub Faucet. (Try at your own risk.)

1) Take off the sheetrock around the offending faucet and shower.

2) Check out all connections and memorize them - the function of each and the age of the pipes surrounding them.

3) Double check the leaky faucet and ask yourself, "Is it worth it to spend a ton of time, lots of heartaches, and 100% failure rate to eliminate the leak?" Remember, a leaky faucet in the winter time simply means that your pump and tank will not freeze up.

4) If you decide that you want to change the water faucet, sleep on it and get a 2nd opinion from your son - not the wife. Wives are always positive and will say, "You are a good plumber; I know you can do it!"

5) Sleep on the opinion again.

6) Spend 50 dollars on a new unit. Set it on the living room table and use it as an ornament for several months.

7) If you still are a glutton for punishment, hide your guns and put away all sharp edges. Choose a weekday to change the faucet, and sleep on it. Call in sick for the next two days. (All of this to save a couple of hundred dollars.)

8) The next morning take off the shower head first and then the horizontal shower pipe. Mark the spot with a pencil where the shower, vertical pipe should be turned on the old unit and get ready to take off that pipe.

9) Turn off the water and allow pressure and water to evacuate the system, as above. Undo the bolts and washers that lead into the faucet, and take out the old unit. (It is now too late to turn back. We are talking do or die time. Call your local Funeral Director and reserve a casket.)

10) Take a break and get a drink of water, unless, of course, you forgot to save some water.

11) Important!!! Take the nuts off of the new unit. (There should be two for each water pipe, hot and cold.) PUT the pipe caps on first, by themselves; don't try to put those tops on while they are engaged to the new unit. It is important that those thread on properly. (We are talking two hours to figure this out.) This is important, because if you screw it up, you will have to take the bathtub out or tear into the side of the house to replace one or both of inflow pipes. This is critical time.

12) Once those are on correctly and tightly, then screw the shower pipe on partially and make sure it is started right.

13) Now put the unit back on the two inflow pipes, with the nuts where they will screw into the new unit. Tighten both down.

14) Tighten the shower pipe snuggly to the point that you marked it.

15) Step back and look at your handy work and praise God if it looks good.

16) If it looks bad, don't plan on having a party. Do the whole process again, until it looks like it is right.

17) Turn on the water. No leaks! Give thanks to your Maker, and vow that you will never do this again and stick to it.

18) Print out a Neophyte Plumber Certificate with your computer and frame it. Put in the bathroom right in front of the commode so your wife will see it and appreciate you.

19) If it leaks, well, ... think plumber.

20) Stick to computers and homepages.

Ours works perfectly without a leak!! Har!

Finally and most importantly, never, ever pay for a plumber, who is one of the richest people in town, if you can do it yourself. Self-defense is your best solution for plumbing problems.